we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
