I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
