It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
