the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My vagina just recognized that song.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
NoShamevember. You game?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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