It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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