I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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