We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
