just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
