Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
