I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
