Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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