DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
