similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
did you just send me my own nude
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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