I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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