I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
