I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
