Just fell off a train. Bad.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
