I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
