he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
