How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
