this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
