Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Sorry about my life...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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