Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
