as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
