Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
