you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
