i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
