Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
