Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
