don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
