Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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