I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
