but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
