Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize