but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
