Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
