The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
