he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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