I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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