Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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