Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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