if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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