Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
