At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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