I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
