Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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