FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
