I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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