she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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