I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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