This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
