He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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