When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize