You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
