Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
