is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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