I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Randomize
