God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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