There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
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He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
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My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
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