I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
