well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
