I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
