this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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