my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
