Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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