Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
