This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
being pregnant is like rehab
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
