she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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