For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
