Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
