names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
