I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
