Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
