i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize