I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
